Gregg Wallace is an idiot

The title says it all really.

He’s exactly the type of nouveauriche fool who I fully expect to take up residence in greater London in some sort of ostentatious mansion, but not to actually be in the media spotlight.

The fact that this man is employed, is frankly, offensive. I can’t get over how massive his head is.
Seriously, it’s huge. Not only is it huge, but it looks like someone has got a face the size of a room, then tried to squash it down to normal size. Yet still failing, because his face looks like it’s fighting to burst out, and go on a killing spree or something.

Anatomy issues aside, the man is a complete scumbag. Whilst undertaking some investigative journalism (i.e. donning a parka, adopting the walk of a rambunctious young lad and generally looking like a bit of an idiot) I quizzed some stall owners at Covent Garden Market about their history with the above named Mr Wallace.

Wishing to remain anonymous (presumably because Wallace runs a militant arm of Masterchef, who come round your house and scream in your face that “COOKING DOESN’T GET ANY HARDER THAN THIS” repeatedly, until you’re a sobbing wretch), I was surprised to hear a range of different views from stallholders.

They ranged from a simple “what a tosser”, to: “He still owes me money, if he ever came down here again, he’d be lynched”.

So it’s not just me then, clearly. He should be ousted from his post at the BBC, ordered to pay back all the money he owes to various stallholders, and replaced with a younger, less aggressive type on Masterchef. I was thinking someone who possesses a rakish charm, a philandering sense of self and a passion for cooking that would make Delia look like a Little Chef employee. I am of course, talking about myself, I’m the obvious candidate, so hi Mark Thompson, if you’ve any sense, sign me up.

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3 responses to “Gregg Wallace is an idiot

  1. interesting

  2. Hahahaha this was brilliant! xD

  3. if you were on masterchef, i would still watch it

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